Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
