you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
