hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
