but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
