Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
