morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
