just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Boobs are out for the taking
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
