I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
