She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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