My vagina just recognized that song.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize