Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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