all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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