I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
