jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this will be a night to untag.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
