I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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