omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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