I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
