I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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