Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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