if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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