I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
