My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I didn't notice because vodka
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize