soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
