Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
