but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
