he thought i was a dude.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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