yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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