I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
