yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
