Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
