my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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