Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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