Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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