He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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