I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
