I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
