I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
