you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
