Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
