Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
