Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
