I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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