win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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