Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
