EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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