It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
