why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
