Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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