Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this just has baby written all over it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
