So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize