just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
