Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
