shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
