Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
