While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
