I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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