Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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