Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
