Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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