im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Two words: blizzard sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
