dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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