I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
