Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
